stop looking for a husband
I am in my thirties, thirty- one to be specific, and this newsletter welcomes you into my thinking when it comes to relationships and balancing it with yourself, your career and your future.
The next few paragraphs will either hurt your feelings or ignite a fire in you that you didn’t know you could start.
Sapiosexual: A person who is attracted to intelligence— how they think, reason, communicate or engage in deep conversation.
What I mean by “stop looking for a husband” just means you are searching for the wrong thing. Sure, you must put yourself out there and get to know new people, but it’s all a waste of time if you find your person then can’t keep them. The real journey is “start looking for you.”
Many people have a difficult time sitting with themselves and asking themselves those hard questions. Questions such as, why do I drink all the time? where did I go wrong in my last relationship? could I have handled that situation better? - WHY WHY? WHY? Asking yourself WHY gets to the root of the trauma, the pain, the uncomfortable situations you avoided through sex for validation from others, drinks to quiet your mind and making continuous bad decisions then crying about the consequences.
No one is perfect, and if anyone claims they are RUN. I learned that their are a lot of broken people passing you everyday and if more people did the work on themselves instead of outsourcing the blame on other people, our choices would be more aligned with who we really are.
Educational Bracket: A level based highest level of education, environment and upbringing- urban definition.
Sometimes people are too dumb for you. Whether it’s emotionally, ambition- wise or socially. I use dumb as a reference as not at the level you have attained, either through education, values or social status. This can be changed, but being with someone to change them never works.
Date within your educational bracket so arguments on things that are second nature to you do not cause tension often and honestly, so you do not lose respect for them. I’ve lost respect for a partner. Due to lack of trying to understand my mindset or eliminating the negative quote “that’s just who I am.” Please accept people for who they are, but that also gives you the option to not deal with them.
Self - reflection: The process of thinking deeply about yourself, your thoughts, emotions, actions, values and motivations.
Have you ever dated someone and loved the sexual chemistry, the business hustle and trips together, but something felt off? I have. I didn’t feel heard. I didn’t feel seen. It was because we were perfect for one another surface level, but we didn’t really know each other. The fear of going deep to him was scary, like I would get this deeper insight about him and use it against him, when I was simply in love and wanted to unlock his true potential and not wear a cloak 24/7. Something was always missing and wasn’t the sexual intimacy, it was the mental kind.
Every argument seemed like like his strategic way to switch the topic and avoid getting to the root of any issue because getting too close is too far, when simply all I wanted to do was help him better our relationship starting with us, not just him, but I learned quickly it’s draining when someone isn’t ready to take that leap with you.
Stick by your morals and values- that’s the foundation of your soul
Stick by your non- negotiables- you will resent allowing it in the future
Stick with your goals- do not get lost in love, you must continue to walk your own path
Take Away
You don’t need to find a husband- you need to find yourself to become available for the person God has in store for you, but unfortunately some people may have missed out on that person, but that’s okay, life is huge! This is a one- stop shop and you do not get do-overs to grace this earth with your presence. Focus on things, people and places that make you happy. Do not go looking for things you cannot provide yourself and what is currently happening in your life, you created it and it is your job to shift it to work better for you.
Blame yourself for everything going wrong in your life!
Yes, that divorce.
Yes, that break up.
Yes, that anger problem you have.
This will create a mind that accepts, adapts and finds peace in your season in order to move on and find solutions.